In 1990, they trashed the leader of the Foot Clan. In 1991, they met their match when the Foot Clan uncovered the secret of the ooze. In 1993, they got caught in the past in search of a scepter. And on March 30th of 2007, they'll emerge from the sewers of Manhattan and into theaters once again. Finally, after a 14-year hiatus, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles will be featured in their fourth film, completely computer generated and ready for action. With their turtle hormones raging, they'll be out in full force when yet another opportunity to save the day presents itself, and if you've seen the trailer, you'll be out in full force as well, to see the long-anticipated return of the Manhattan Mutants.

TMNT will take the Turtles' training to a whole new level. It is obvious from viewing the teaser trailer that they've all pretty much become Jacky Chan with a shell. The new moves the film will depict are everything Superman wished he could've done before kryptonite rolled around. They can roof-hop like Spiderman, run like Forest Gump, and flip like that hot lifeguard on the diving board at the pool. The kids are going to love it.

Of course, this movie is going to be nothing but utter disappointment.

The kids this movie is directed at are way too young to remember the classics and for those of us that really know what Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is all about, we know that nothing can beat the original. Sure, the image might be clearer and their stunts might be better, but the true Turtles fans‹myself included‹simply want to see the puppets and men in suits we all know and love. We're not interested in the integration of Jacky Chan and Michelangelo. We don't want the Turtles jumping like Spiderman. We don't care if they don't run as fast as Forest Gump. And, as hot as she may be, we don't want the mutants flipping like the lifeguard at the pool. The fact of the matter is, it just won't be the same.

So if you're an inexperienced Turtles viewer, you will undoubtedly enjoy this pathetic excuse of a sequel. Go and see it, just don't let it out in front of your peers who truly understand the films, for a cold and bitter blanket of awkward disdain will overwhelm and haunt your for the rest of your days. The true Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles fan will never be fooled by a phony computer recreation and knows that pizza will never taste as good as it did in 1990.

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